Today was the most spiritual day of
the summer of 2015. This was the day I realized who I wanted to become and how
to do it. These past few days, I was going through the refiner’s fire of
repentance. It has been so long since I truly humbled myself and softened my
heart that it felt like it was too late for me to repent. Guilt has built up.
Even things that I have done in the past felt like they were haunting me, that
I couldn’t breathe. There was so much pressure in my heart. I felt like I was
going to shatter at any moment.
Today was the first day I brought The Infinite Atonement to cash control.
It gave me relief. It helped me understand that I shouldn’t be limiting the
atonement. Jesus Christ’s atonement is called “the infinite atonement” for a
reason. No matter what sin we have committed, what weakness we have, what
trials we are facing, the atonement’s power applies to all of these things.
Both for mankind and myself. I need to learn to forgive myself and remember
that I am fully clean. I learned that from President Dunn in the MTC. God has
forgiven me because of the infinite power of the atonement.
Through this experience, I realized
how serious the covenants are to follow. I feel like because I was lax with
them, Satan had a lot more power over me than I expected. I need to realize how
serious my temple covenants are and how much more I need to keep them in mind
with a serious attitude. Or at least, have a broken heart and a contrite
spirit. As long as I offer a broken heart and a contrite spirit, I will remain
clean.
